For you my Love

Race with me down to city hall my love. We shall push the speed limit and all the guards of the city will miss our car because cupid has distracted them. With feet clamoring across the skids our car just made we race up the steps to city hall (OH Please God tell me they have not closed) On time indeed, Yes oh Soon we shall be true lovers! Up to the official we race as freshman during the Track and Field finals. As cold air enters a diner I get cold feet, “is this smart, my love?” I think. You see my thoughts translating themselves on my face through the lines and sinking smile. The court house gains a feeling of a…tomb. With the patience like that of someone with nineteen children my lover stands in front of me, ready to go through hades and swim in the fire of doubt with me. Somehow, in some way (God are you this direct?) I realize as my lover stands there that she’ll be there, for me always. She could tell me to hurry, to get myself together, to grow up, but she’s patience. She puts up with my snags and ugliness and all the things that make me a creature of the night. I pull myself back to earth, back to her and back to the courthouse. As a set of reeds flow in the breeze our minds sway into sync and The Beautiful monster of Progress flies once again. First we each take a step, then another, her arm suddenly gains the strength of a bargeman and a sound of pure joy (which I could hardly begin to describe how that thrills me) leaps out of her mouth. Almost like the depth of doubt ever happened we are sprinting just as before. We meet the official and words go so fast from our twenty-something mouths that he asks us to repeat ourselves. Words like lighting take us to a horrible and painful existence, WITNESS. Our Official repeats for our hasty love soaked brains, “Did you bring a witness for your marriage?”

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Feeling on the blah side of life I feel the need to do the very thing that usually fulfills the necessary catharsis for the current mood. I’m glad that I realize I cannot move back, so I have two options: stay in place or move forward. It seems obvious but where I am right now I need some obvious. Here’s a question for starters – Why do I feel like an old man today? On the lonely and isolated side of the evening I sat in this recliner in the apartment, in front of the TV and thought, “Where did The Ben go who wanted to live more adventurously and did the things he enjoyed doing?” Am I over-romantisizing the college years or even something earlier than that? Placing myself under the clutches of the past and an imagined fear of the present feels very precarious. I have the most to gain from this moment on. Forget about her (for a bit) Forget about my failures (more imagined) Forget about the worries…Forget about the past.

in Now

Van Halen's "Right Now" appeared as the second song in the Pandora selection and it seemed very VERY appropriate. The conviction flashed into mind as clear as the pretentious beeping of my cell phone when someone sends a text. My psychologist mentioned the probably trite (but new to me) phrase - "You have to live in the Now. You cannot live in the yesterday or tomorrow." (paraphrase) I love it. hyper attention deficit, laziness, lust, and a generous sprinkling of Fear fight against this Now that I live and my efforts to make the most out of any scenario in my life. However, God in his Might and Sovereignty (yep, I am going to use the s-word) allows me to take each step. With all of the previous said I am ready to map out this Glorious non Grind of a day by prioritzing even the fun of this saturday. Bachelor apiphany of the day - Realizing that it didn't make the slightest difference that I would eat the chocolate cheesecake straight out of the container rather than try to look for a small plate.

Wednesday September 30th 2009

~Feeling like an overloading circuit probably best describes this moment. I am the impulsive 2nd grader with a crayon and a HUGE coloring book that I cannot get my partially greasy hands on. Ideas zoom through my awake mind like the crazy cars from Mississippi, on their way into Memphis. It seems very normal to race at the first thing in my brain and paint it or draw it or sing it but I must first consult the one who created me.
~

Cornell Krill, the marmalade colored creative sits in the peppermint tower of reflection. The tower stands guarded by the eternal Christmas trees. Cornell’s tears come from his sorrow because even though he is a trapped unicorn he is also a Creative Director. During the age of Vast (2007 – 2009 Earth Years) many of his projects began but were never finished. Cornell cannot remember how he ended up a prisoner in this sugary tower but he does know that his release depends on the completion of ALL projects. The last word that echoed from below still haunts him, “HALT!”

Idle

Inside of Friday Morning

I am sitting on this awkward wooden stool and looking ahead of the coffee bar as many, many, many people just passed by in almost a stampede fashion. Men and Boys in suits and Classic Southern Seersucker ensembles weave in and through the whimsical as well as formally dressed women and girls. Graduation for the Sixth graders at PDS just ended. It feels a bit like a fashion show because so many people constantly walk by, especially today because everyone brought their Sunday best. Every other day that I work here I think, "I need to walk away from this." This coffee house feels like I'm driving a Car with only three wheels sometimes. When I'm driving the "car" people come by and ask me, "Where is your fourth wheel?"

Monday is coming - take cover!

I have to say right now that I am in good spirits. I really enjoy saying that phrase for some reason. I am really excited about the week ahead and all that i want to get done. Thankfully I only have one shift this week so it will work out for us (the kerns family of four) to head out Thursday morning - awesome! I am really excited because the boys and my older sis and bro in law will meet up with us a few days later. I will probably look back on my time in life right now and think "Man, I had it so good back then." But right now usually all I can think about is how I feel like I don't have anything going on (in my life). Here is the main objective for vacation week - "Recharge."

Alien Affection for Asian Anchor

food in the forest

I don't know what I'm going to do today, but I sure have a enough to do. The above illustration has no deep meaning but I'm sure you could find one.

from my brain

Sandwich making & unemployment

Many points in life simply move forward like a small line of beads, missed & barely analyzied by the mind. But then there are those distinct moments when one of those drops skips out of line, marking the end of one line and the beginning of another. My particular spot occurred roughly 22 days ago, the day on which Barry made his way into the white House and the history books. They let me go. I was a little surprised, but as soon as the words, “Ben, could you come to Jim’s (GM) office when you get a chance? came out of my boss’s mouth my Gut said, “This is it.” How often has my boss the owner of the store asked me to meet him in Jim’s office? Close to never
So yeah, I am unemployed and if you think of me I would appreciate a prayer or two. I realize that God WILL provide I’m just not sure how. Last line of business before I scoot out for the evening. I almost threw the above image away, then I noticed something. It has a recipe for a sandwich and “METHOD?” Is method code for directions for ignorant people? I have never seen ‘directions’ for a sandwich. The clear goop on the image is known as a "booger" in the Design world.

BTW – I have a crush. I hope she feels the same way.

my cool North American Friend

Thursday Night (when it was cold as bricks!)