Monday, November 30, 2009


Feeling on the blah side of life I feel the need to do the very thing that usually fulfills the necessary catharsis for the current mood. I’m glad that I realize I cannot move back, so I have two options: stay in place or move forward. It seems obvious but where I am right now I need some obvious. Here’s a question for starters – Why do I feel like an old man today? On the lonely and isolated side of the evening I sat in this recliner in the apartment, in front of the TV and thought, “Where did The Ben go who wanted to live more adventurously and did the things he enjoyed doing?” Am I over-romantisizing the college years or even something earlier than that? Placing myself under the clutches of the past and an imagined fear of the present feels very precarious. I have the most to gain from this moment on. Forget about her (for a bit) Forget about my failures (more imagined) Forget about the worries…Forget about the past.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

in Now

Van Halen's "Right Now" appeared as the second song in the Pandora selection and it seemed very VERY appropriate. The conviction flashed into mind as clear as the pretentious beeping of my cell phone when someone sends a text. My psychologist mentioned the probably trite (but new to me) phrase - "You have to live in the Now. You cannot live in the yesterday or tomorrow." (paraphrase) I love it. hyper attention deficit, laziness, lust, and a generous sprinkling of Fear fight against this Now that I live and my efforts to make the most out of any scenario in my life. However, God in his Might and Sovereignty (yep, I am going to use the s-word) allows me to take each step. With all of the previous said I am ready to map out this Glorious non Grind of a day by prioritzing even the fun of this saturday. Bachelor apiphany of the day - Realizing that it didn't make the slightest difference that I would eat the chocolate cheesecake straight out of the container rather than try to look for a small plate.