LOL

buy some mouth wash, check.
browse the fragrance section marked "50 % OFF", check.
notice the fragance, hummer????
Hummer makes a cologne?? Gosh, I laughed out loud and I'm sure someone thought I was crazy, but then again not at Ike's. So if you did wear that cologne and somebody asked you what you were wearing, how would you tell them?

Andy Warhol stole my gym bag and killed my cardio

A few obscenities jumped through my throat, flew past my teeth and promptly landed on my freshly damaged passenger car door. Andy Warhol stole my gym bad and killed my cardio.

Two hours earlier the world seemed a fraction brighter as I pulled into the Brooks museum to view The Andy Warhol A to B exhibit. It was a great exhibit. Sadly, the last time I think I visited any gallery was two years ago.
Marilyn gazed blankly ahead through fields of magenta and green. Grace Kelly stoically gazed through swiggled lines of yellow and turquoise. Groups of Cammo canvases consisting of Retina irritating colors like lime green and radioactive pink shouted out at me. I knew what I was in for and losing yourself in any type of artist’s work and just soaking it in really makes the brain juices flow. Little did I know that Andy kept me away while my black gym back grew legs and walked off. Did the bag walk off during my intimate gazing moments over the Campbell’s Soup series or during the perplexing and nonsensical print of Paolo Uccello, St. George and the Dragon (1984)? Only Andy’s accomplice and maybe the silent statues of Brooks know where my gym back ended up.

With a head full of bloated intellectual thoughts about consumerism and a good deal of inspiration I moseyed over to the car in the eastern lot. As I started the engine a vacancy crept into my mind’s inventory of the terrain in my car and I realized that my gym bag was not where I left it. Optimism clouded my thoughts and I assumed that maybe I left it at the apartment or put it in the back of the car, neither option I remembered. The drive back consisted of many ponderings with the word “hmm” and “that’s strange.” As I made it up towards my apartment I confirmed what I felt, no (gym) shoes, no (gym) clothes, no gym bag. One more weak, and overtly optimistic possibility arrived in my mind, “What if I left the bag on the roof of the car.” So on my way back to Brooks I roamed the curbs while driving, thus placing my eyes in over time. Back to the Brooks I went and just in time since they close promptly at 5 on Saturdays. There was a shuffle between the museum guards and the short and rather off beat Asian lady guard directed me down the stairs. With a jacket longer than her arms and a smile on her face she asked me “So you not put bag in trunk?” The end of her comment ended in a laughter that usually occurs during a viewing of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Partially stunned and very agitated I responded “uh, no I had it in the passenger’s seat.” She took me through a series of heavy security doors and down towards the surveillance room. Ready to see some footage of the crime and maybe a glimpse of the beady eyes of Andy’s accomplice, I stepped into the surveillance room. “Sir, you can’t come in here,” Said the nice looking black girl at the helm of the monitors. “Oh, sorry. Do you see anything?" In a tone that would put a high schooler to shame she responded, “No, you can’t even see your car in this shot. I ran the tape back and I didn’t see anyone.” With no other suggestions or anything beyond a feeble “I’m sorry” uttered, they were ready to go. I followed the Asian lady out the exit and walked to my car, still baffled and frustrated. Still about 80 percent convinced that the bag had been taken I made my way over to the gas station to fill up my tank since the two round trips to the museum took enough fuel to set me back to less than a quarter of a tank. For some reason I decided to actually check the passenger door when I got to the gas station. That’s when I knew for sure that some [place your favorite word for crook here] stole it. I called the cops and the Officer filled out my info. I doubt we are more than a year apart. Enjoy my sweaty gym clothes and my worn out New Balance shoes!!!

_/\_

I would consider myself a cultural chameleon.

please sir, may I have some more (time)?

Arriving at a point where I accept that great ideas and great plans do not happen within twenty or even sixty minute windows might be the secret to eventual success. With that said, my time is up, at least for Thursday morning. Back to the trenches
Enjoy "The fall of the rebel Angels" by Peter Bruegel, The Elder.

birdie stamp

I made two cents today. I left something in the car yesterday and I remembered it today. When I went outside to look for it I found with it this nifty little two cent stamp. I think it's from 99'. It used to be my dad's car so I guess he left it in there.

The Bites

So I'm digging through all my papers that have conveniently (he he) gathered into my inbox over the past few months and I came across a special list. This particular list has meaning to it. You see, on a day that held extreme (or possibly bland) significance for my mother, I was chosen to run a few errands. A surprise party would occur and we needed a few extra, but essential items. The trip over to the grocery seemed simple and maybe even 'classic' in some senses, but this time the end result erupted in a grotesquely dramatic way. Pepperoni bagel bites, cheese bagel bites, cokes, clear party cups, check - well not quite. In great time I briskly walked (normal people call this speed walking) down the frozen food isle to find everything except the Bagels Bites. Oh, you snarly tricky bites, I thought "this is the only frozen food isle in the whole store, where could they have put those *$!@-#"~ BITES!
Time rushed by and I had to make a command decision. My arms were aching from holding the other items b/c I didn't "need" a basket. yeah! Baskets are for Grandmas! In the face of Trite American Product frustration I picked the fabled pizza rolls, a fair but very different substitute. Great, so i was on my way. As I drove in heroically, I placed the plastic sacks on the kitchen counter, and exhaled as my father quickly fished through the sacks. Something to the extent of "what is this?" came from my father as I thought to myself (why can't he just deal with this, gee!). The next few seconds were an unpleasant, emotionally charged, and narcissistic rant about how I could not find the bagel bites and how I was shocked that he would actually want me to go back up to the store and spend another seven minutes of my life on a grocery list. I regret all of it. After listening to careful instruction (which I probably had the first time but just didn't listen) the bagels were exactly where Dad said they would be, one isle over, neatly tucked between the chips and beer. The party went as planned, Mom was surprised and those who craved and desired pizza bites were satisfied. Later that week I submitted an apology to dad and I learned a great deal about his analysis of 'incidents.' Although I do think that Schnucks should reconsider where they put their bites. :)

hissy...fit?

A minute ago I was in the middle of this little side project that I was working on in Illustrator and then it just quit on me. It's only funny and worth talking about because the text said, "hissy fit" and when I finished typing Fit it just quit. I thought you might dig that.

I just woke up from my saturday afternoon nap and realized that my T-shirt & fleece (nap) blanket match. Oh, yeah and if you wondering, yes it was a great nap.

one year

*O/O* ONE year at my job approaches and I feel excited, discouraged, and indifferent. I have talents. Up to a few weeks ago I thought that Graphic Design was my forte' but I'm just not crazy about it. I do know that I'm crazy about Christ. I do know that God has given me several creative tools in my proverbial toolchest, however I'm not sure which ones he wants me to use. I have about 60 or so days left on my lease and then I'm out of this scenario, which I am really excited about. I have two leads. Well, make that one lead on my next roommate opportunity. I should probably just pray that I could move out of state rather than look for a temporary situation and then move when that opportunity presents itself. The Federal interest rates were lowered today, supposedly that is a good thing. I remember hearing it after I picked up two chicken bisquits which I had been craving since I woke this morning. It's expensive, but I wanted to go for it and just eat them. They were good. White Starch, fat, chicken...mmm

February? Really?

On the eve on the last day of the month I sit here realizing that it pushed forward really, really fast. It seems like not that long ago I was longing for the day (at work) to go by faster and wishing I had more stuff to do. The opposite probably exists now. There seems to be a small of tasks to fill throughout the day. Really, the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that "it's (whatever the present emergency) not a big deal. I also seem to have some focus problems. Yesterday I rang up several transactions on "Void." That made my manager's life really interesting for a few days. I saw an old friend of mine today. She is old in the sense that we have know each other for about 7 years. 2001 was seven years ago?? Anyway, I hope we get snow today. They're saying just freezing rain, but we shall see. My best friend and I had this funny convo about how we were curious about Ariel, the little mermaid (when we saw it the first time as little kids) "I like this mermaid girl, but not the same way I like G.I. Joe..."

She didn't want me, she just wanted my name.

Thurs./Fri.!!!

Good (early) morning! I'm excited about the weekend because it seems like there hangs in the air an immense amount of potential, socially, spiritually & occupationally. Thurs. stands as a hefty day. Work was work and then some and then a little more. It's gotten to the point where it seems like they want me to do the stuff and objectives of two positions. I'm thinkin, "ok, either hire a new guy to man the front (and mundane tasks) and promote me to 2nd designer or don't ask me to do both. But with that said I may get too deep into the mediocre here. A couple of observations for the sake of *sparkle, old people are difficult to say no to, especially when they appear so weak & frail, I overpromise too often, & kids still wear L.L. Bean customized book bags.

*I couldn't think of another similar word but I think sparkle fits.

this monday

Hello Reader! Did you have a good day? Did the sun shine on you or did the rain fall on you? I hope either happened, because whatever happens, God is in control. In many ways that seems like a harsh statement but in other ways it is so completely comforting, to know that it will work out (either now, tommorow, or at the end of time).
The attempt at making fried cheddar cheese allowed my brain to move in typically unconventional ways. Going back to the end of last night for a moment, I felt drained. My friend and I helped out with the hosting for mom's surprise party. We went through probably four coffee presses. The night lingered longer than I expected, but the whole shibang was worth it. I remembered that I need to be into work early tommorow (boo). It'll work out, especially if it goes by as fast as today.

happy birthday mom

this needs a seperate post, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

it is the getting up part that bites

Good morning everyone! My favorite weather occurence decided to show up & I thought to myself, maybe skipping on work today would be nice. The rain just started pouring down about the time that my first alarm went off. Then the left brain kicked in to gear to remind me that it would be better to suck it up and go to work (especially because I need the dough). Yesterday at work I had a comical moment when I opened a file & it was 12 dpi! (Usually decent files that go to print are around 300 dpi.) Alright, nuff of this, I'm outta here.

happy birthday mom

this needs a seperate post, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

At this point, the hippo may only walk so far. The hippo, while massive & strangely disproportionate, carries a great deal of weight. Once it arrives to the destination the party receiving it usually becomes overwhelmed. I feel that my blog presence or preparation for the blog presence is like this. I allow the time to add up & then before I know it the information (hippo) intimidates me and only a sliver of the "good stuff" gets through. The mediocrity which I desire to abolish ends up filling my entries because of the sheer lack of punctuality or relevance. I must leave to go to work, but before I go, I would like to address a certain Swiss resident. Thank You for bringing it to my attention. If you read this within the week, let me know & the next time you are in town Lunch is on me.

F rida y

I can't get out of my head what I really want to say for this sentence. Last night was pretty fun. Our hostess became very smashed, very fast. Apparently she only had two drinks, but I found out later that she is a very light drinker. The party cleared out shortly afterwords and that was only around 10:30! I have never been to party like that that ended so fast. A few of us lingered a bit and then we headed home. I left my car at thier house and walked back up there late this morning (they're right up the street). Breakfast consisted of buckwheat pancakes, which tasted like plaster. I imagined them tasting awesome, but that did not turn out to be the case.

Monday

I think I'm on a roll with the blog. This happens to be the second day
in a row that I posted. Call the authorities, just kidding. Anyway, the
middle of the day had this definite rhythm to it. I went over to Taco
Bell (I really LIKE TACO BELL john!)to pick up some lunch. I ran into
some guys from High School, one who is decent (like in HS) and one who
is an ass (like in HS). At first I thought, "I'm not going to say
anything then I realized that would be very high school to do that. It
turns out the first guy works a steady waiter gig up the street and the
other majored in "Molecular Biology." He sounded like an uptight
prick when I asked him what he majored in at Vandy, Molecular Biology. Maybe I just expected him to sound like that. Que sera, sera. It was a good day. P.S. The original Dracula has NO soundtrack and remains to keep me interested.

Autumn Breaks Free

After a week of drizzle and general weather gloominess (other people think it's gloomy) I am a little more inspired. The weekend probably hit a low point yesterday when I did a very high school thing, I compared myself to other people. I thought, "Well, lots of people my age doing _____ or _____ right now on a saturday night." Instead of thinking rationally I allowed that thought to cloud my mind, however some creepy apocalyptic reading helped my mindset. I am reading (and have been for sometime) The Stand. There are several characters and at 1000+ pages it is a whammee.